I'm going through a difficult time right now, and what worries me is my indifference to this whole problem. Everybody knows that I've been studying since forever and that I'm overdue for graduation. I mean, ever since we've come here in Canada, I've basically had to reset my education back to high school and then resume university - not to mention the times when I had to repeat my elementary years due to calamities in our hometown. If there's one thing that I know for sure, it would be the struggle from a student's life.

After approximately six years (and counting), I'm still here trying to get my first-choice degree. I can't stress it enough that I want to finish this computer science degree. But what frustrates me is the reality of failing. I've never failed a course before and I consider it a grim thing to do. I'm looking at my last course in the eye and I can imagine it smirking at me, because I'm absolutely failing it. How tragic it would be to fail the last requirement, and the only time to re-take it is next winter. So I'm looking at another year before finishing my first choice degree. It just gets into my skin since I really want to help my parents with their finances and contribute more.

My mom just turned 60 and she's unemployed. My dad is 58 and he's getting old; he also doesn't get any proper rest during weekends, because of other obligations such as house chores and the serving in the church. I've already told them that I just need this year to graduate, and yet here it is, the fright of waiting for another year. Of course it's not all bad, since I'm going to apply for graduating on my business degree (and a minor in religion and culture studies), but it isn't really my first-choice. I just have to work harder - even though I'm already working harder. This is the reality of life, especially for the' kid-at-heart' coming of age. I have so much plans when I finish this winter term - so many dreams to pursue - however, my degree in computer science seems like it's not one of them. My grade on the most difficult subject for my field doesn't look hot.

I don't know how to explain to my parents about why I'm looking at another school year to finish my preferred degree. They must be exasperated. I have always been a working student. I've started university as a working student and back then I could only register for a number of courses I can afford with the consideration of fitting everything with my work schedule. So it's a delicate procedure. Even after applying for a student loan, I know I'm going to need some funding for further necessities. In short, the period of my study had taken longer than the usual because of these circumstances, and it's about time for me to step up and help. Although one course is going to ruin everything, because I can only do a facepalm at myself on how difficult it is for me. I'm simply ranting at how stupid and helpless I feel.

And then you have Valentine's Day coming up.

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