It might just be today or just for the mean time, but I have began to think of finding a new job. I can't do the things I want to do. I feel like I'm decaying. I read about famous people following what they wanted to do in life. The problem is not knowing what God's plan is for me. If I leave this job, will that be all right? I'm not happy, but how will I know if God's telling me to go. He wants me to be happy, right? Will things improve later on?

I'm sure to experience some significant changes next year, because my friend is leaving our firm next year to concentrate on his studies. I want to leave to and concentrating on my studies, but that means sacrificing money. Definitely, you can finish the studies, but I won't be able to have savings or buy what I want to buy. I actually started writing a list of positives and negatives about my plan of leaving my job. For now, all I want is a stream of uninterrupted break.

There's something wrong with me. I want to shutdown. I want to shut-in. It's just a feeling, which I need to convince myself that it's wrong to feel it. I need a loud, clear and crisp explanation to overcome this negativity. I'm getting discouraged. Maybe I'm getting distracted too. But is it more than that? I need money and I'm quitting? No, I just don't like my job. 'Count your blessings.' is what keeps me running at the minimum.

I've lost my will at work. It's been a very difficult day. Monotonous and I can't help feel concerned about Thursday. I have a fair idea of what will happen. November's about to end and there's about 3 weeks until my Christmas break. I shake my head at this trend how I'm always writing about breaks. That's how my life has turned. It's pathetic. How did I become paralyzed like this? Always writing about exhaustion and break. I can't see the signs that I'm improving. It's straining me. I want to break out to zones I'm not familiar with. This is my life. Am I who I want to be?

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