I know it's a temporary feeling, but my morale is low due to the incessant need of looking for a job, confusion of priorities, and the nag that tells me to be the best now. The time to figuring out is finished, and I have to embrace the truth that it's time to make those plans into motion. I'm frustrated, because I don't know how to find the job I'm looking for. The ads are the best place to start, but I can't find anything. And there's also a thought at the back of my mind that tells me to wait for an opening in the university, where I'm working right now. It's confusing. I see myself lagging behind once more as I missed the summer convocation and that I'm graduating this fall instead. I wait and wait some more, but in my other aspect of my life I'm also falling behind. My self-esteem and confidence are low. I absolutely hate it when I have to listen to other people point out to me that I'm falling behind, because it's obvious that I know. I'm just keeping quiet. I'm not giving up though, and I'm confident that everything will sort itself out. Just like how everything had been sorted back in university.
God, I just don't like this dry and aimless feeling, and that when I start to do something, it turns into crap. I also hate it that when I do something that feels important (for me), other people take it for granted despite working hard to finish it while bearing a low morale. What else can I do?
You can't rush art and you can't rush science.
Labels: blogs